My Teen Romantic Comedy Was Right, Just As I Expected
by TheHardBoiledEgg
Summary: AU Fic in which Hachiman is an optimist.
1. Chapter 1

**Further notice**

A sudden idea I had after listening to Radiohead's Optimistic for the eleven thousandth-time.

An alteration of the series events that depicts Hachiman as a confident, optimistic, and a persuasive fellow rather than our beloved cynical social martyr.

Warning: HEAVY OOC.

With the above mentions in mind we will begin this fic _*OP song in background*_

 _Further further notice:_

edited this chapter for retcon purposes as well as for your ease of reading.

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 **CH1: And thus, Their Idealistic Youth Begins.**

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Youth, According to my thoughts, is simply the age when we adolescent humans are on our journey to discover our true self. The age when we are supposed to learn ourselves better to achieve a meaningful resolution for our lives, while filling it with a significant amount of realistic thinking and positive doings. That is, in my opinion, my ideal view of 'Youth'.

Although, along the way some poor souls often mistook bad deeds as a testament of one's youth. They perceive everything, whether it is amoral or not-in a positive light. Their pursuit of 'Youth' was corrupted with their distorted views of the world. They think, in their shallow minds that their secrets, lies and crimes was merely a spice of their youth, while they often neglected their responsibilities and other positive conducts, brushed them off as if they're a piece of rubbish.

It is the sight I can't stand. If I can, I will stand up and crumble that damnable wall of lies and deceit!

Because, I believe that despite the darkness in their hearts they can still be saved. Every lost souls deserves to be rescued.

That is to say, those who do not deviate from my ideals of a 'perfect youth' was truly a righteous individual.

In conclusion: Riajuu, go learn the errors of your way and don't give up.

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It was an ordinary afternoon in Chiba, with the birds circled around the beautiful parks waiting to be given a free grub, the wind swept the town with its cool, spring-y air, and all the flowers along Chiba bloomed at the same instant-as if mother earth decided to-uh, lost a game of minesweeper?

It was also the time when a particular student was called to face a particular teacher-not a good thing of course.

The scene of the crime was deep in the heart of Sobu High, where it was essentially the most dangerous place one could imagine-even worse than hell, some might say. It's that room at the far end of the north hallway opposite to the riajuu-infested cafeteria-the room that teachers normally would call it their own. The teachers' room. Or, the teachers' lounge room. Whatever.

The student in distress was a second year at the school, and a brilliant student in that matter. Named after a certain god, he was called 'Hikigaya Hachiman' since the year dot. He was not an ikemen like his awfully popular classmate Hayama, nor a delusional glassy nerd like Zaimokuza-another classmate of his. Anyways, he's a perfect representation of an ideal high-schooler; an athletic, intelligent, well-mannered, and slightly good looking. Every mom's favourite son. His eyes in particular, was his most powerful feature. A fine dark blue coupled with a piercing, determined gaze, It was almost as if his eyes could penetrate deep into our soul, like a hot knife through butter.

He was standing just beside his homeroom teacher, waiting for her to finish reading his essay he made several nights earlier. The reason he was called here was beyond his ken. What could possibly bring a teacher to call a student at her office, at the time he was supposed to be digging into his lunch? His tasty, beloved sister-made lunch? Ah, she probably wanted to praise him for his brilliantly-written essay. That's what he thought at least.

The teacher's reaction was the total opposite-in fact, she looked rather displeased. She has finished reading his essay, and it looks like things wouldn't go smooth on his end. She lit up a cigarette, and crossed her legs like a boss.

"Tell me, Hikigaya. Do you recall what I said the topic for this essay was?"

He immediately corrected his posture, clenched his fists and smiling confidently as he gave out his answer. "Yes, maam. It was Looking Back On High School Life."

"Indeed, it was. So then why does this looks like you were writing a propaganda flyer? What are you, an activist? Or perhaps an idiot?" She placed her hand on her forehead, letting out a sigh.

Hikigaya smiled again as if he was in possession of an imaginary trump card. " It really is an essay on the recollections of our past high school life. I was merely adding my own thoughts on it." He straightened up, eyes gleaming with triumph.

Miss Lady Teacher was unsure whether to be impressed or angry at his persistence. Hikigaya was really an enigma to her.

"..Don't play any games with me, Hikigaya. What's with this condescending paper? I'm giving you one chance to explain yourself."

Her voice admixed with a scowl as she glared at him from an angle. Coming from a tactless beauty like herself, the entirely of her stare was enough to overwhelm a soul. But still, he remains unaffected, giving not a single damn about it.

He turned his back on miss Lady Teacher and begin his speech, John Galt fashion. Well, in a miniature-length form. " Well, you see.. I did share my experience about high school life, right? It's pretty much the same as it is. These days, high-school students have the same air about them.. They feel..They certainly didn't feel genuine."

"Like I said in the essay, they are in a constant denial of their true selves and keeps mistaking bad deeds as an epitome of youth, whereas in reality that is not even slightly correct. Some of them may really think it was, and some were forced to do that in order to not lose a friend. For example, it's a story from a friend of my friend : Lets say there are students, namely A & B. A is initially a well-mannered boy. B is a delinquent. He really liked to smoke a cigar, he smokes twelve cigars at a time."

"One day," He continued, " A befriended B. B influenced A to smoke like him. A declined at first. But B keeps on pushing him until he decided that if A didn't smoke, B will not be his friend anymore. Because he was afraid of B's threat, A immediately followed orders like a dutiful puppy. Get the big picture? What I was trying to say is, most students was too afraid to lose their friends, so they followed their examples and doing bad things to keep up. They are too weak-minded they come to believe in their own lies, that results in losing their own personality in the process. What kind of mindset is that? My purpose for this essay is to.. To enlighten their minds with a rational amount of positivity and realism, to guide them onto the path of the righteous ones! Is it too wrong to express my opinion, miss Hiratsuka?"

Her face has turned from a scowl to an amused one. Surely she didn't expect this kind of answer from a regular student. _'His explanation was a tad bit nonsensical at times though..'_

"Well, you have some valid points.. But still, normally, I'd expect you to reflect on your own personal experience, not some obscure writing about the 'Ups and Downs of Youth and Their Unrighteousness' that have nothing to do with the context of the topic."

Hikigaya finally gazed upon the floor in defeat. He has failed to assure Miss Hiratsuka the very significance of his essay. "I'm very sorry. I will rewrite it."

"You know, it's not that I'm angry."

Hikigaya's face lit up coincidentally with her cigarette's. She breathed in a drag followed by a puff of smoke.

"Hikigaya." She said, her eyes were dead serious.

"Yes?"

"Have you joined any clubs?" She asked.

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AN:zaimokuza is in 2-f. This is an AU, after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**2\. In Any Case, Hachiman Hikigaya Is _Still_ twisted.**

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The Service Club? What am I supposed to do?"

Already finished with her cigarette, Miss Hiratsuka tossed its butt into the ashtray at her desk with her unparalleled level of precision. She took a brief glance to the slatted window behind her, then looked back at him with a grin; the sight of her face were identical to that of a sharpened blade. Beautiful and deadly.

Hikigaya was always the kind of person that gives very few damn about what other people might say or do to him. But this time, for once in his life-he felt uncomfortable... Which was probably caused by twenty-percent fear and the remaining eighty-percent caused by the-sight-of-her-awe-inspiring, buxom figure. He's a healthy high school boy after all.

"Just follow me."

And with that final, consequential, peremptory sentence, Hikigaya reached the exit almost instantly, opening the door for her, without asking any further to what she was proposing. He was a model student after all. Obeying your teacher without questioning its intentions is necessary in order to be one-doing the opposite and they'll render you a nonperson. That's what he thought, at the very least. And it was proven right so many times you could call it a sort of a self fulfilling prophecy or such.

 _'This may not be a pleasant journey...'_

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The walk from the lounge seemed to drag Hikigaya on forever. The loud click-clacking of miss Hiratsuka's boots-slow and rhythmic, even hypnotic; reminds him of the mysticism of the late 60's-german's perception of rock music, where a single record is dominated by these endless, repeating skitter-y beats over a wall of melodic noises; it induced him a strange, other-worldly alien feeling that makes him want to puke his own stomach.

It was not that he disliked that kind of music-in fact, he's quite the aficionado. Eleven years ago, every time his parents would left in the morning for work, brat-sized Hachiman would sneak past his still-sleeping grandpa into his parents' bedroom to play whatever record they had; either it was a classical piece, or period-jpop music, to obscure European bands that very few people in Japan know about. Yes, he definitely liked these kinds of music; yet a certain encounter with a busty teacher made him feel otherwise. Just what power lies within this person that she was able to change people's mind?

He quickly snatched his phone out of his blazer pocket and put up his earphone in haste.

 _'Did you ever see this snowman, standing there with the lord?'_ **[1]**

He unconsciously hummed the tune and began to nod his head to the beat. Thank god, his love for good old music hasn't died yet.

Miss Hiratsuka apparently decided to end the journey as they reached the isolated grounds of Sòbu's special building. The building was situated opposite to the other building that contains regular classrooms, connected by a passageway on the second floor. Hikigaya could not figure the reason why it was called the special building-it was only a home for ghosts and empty classrooms for all he cares.

"Is this the place where this 'service club' is located?"

She threw him a glance-a weird one at that. She seemed overly energetic, Hikigaya was unsure whether this miss Hiratsuka in front of him is really the miss Hiratsuka from the office back then. She looked like a rabbit that has just found a carrot wonderland. A rabbit with myxomatosis.

"Yep. It's there!"

She pointed her delicate finger into one of the classrooms. In a speed faster than light, she was already by the door, confusing Hikigaya in the process.

Little did he know that behind the door lies a trap that was set up by none other than the god of romantic comedy himself. Oh, look how he laughs. Cheeky bastard. **[2]**

* * *

Yukinoshita Yukino flipped the pages of her book, flicking through countless of tree waste in an attempt to continue where she left off. Nothing was any better than to be basked in the afternoon sunlight while reading Raskolnikov-san's antics after all.

As reflected by her taste in literature, it was clear that she's not your average teeny high school girl. She's in fact an honor student-her grades (and looks) was an undeniable proof of that. She's quite similar to Hikigaya in that respect, except for the fact that his parents were just merely couples with tiresome white-collar jobs and back pain issues. In contrast, her parents were successful, top class politicians who literally owns the entire nook and cranny of this lovely Chiba region.

And as with any silver-spoon-fed kids, she was living quite a satisfactorily life. Good looks, top grades and whatnot. an apartment, a limo, and a wide array of pan-san plush toys. And as with other girls her age, she also had her share of problems; Whereas the other girls would be frustrated by maths and boys-she would be frustrated over the sight of a social interaction. Not that she would admit though. That's half the reason she agreed to join this peculiar Service Club-to avoid joining other clubs (so that she could minimize the interaction with fellow humans), and to satisfy her hobby that is reading-you wouldn't believe how much book she has brought into the clubroom. **[3]**

The clubroom's door was suddenly opened. Placing a kitten-motif-ed bookmark on exactly page 314, she clasped her book and set her the sight of the newcomers.

"Please knock before you enter, Sensei," she said.

Miss Hiratsuka grinned. "Even if I do knock, you never respond,"

Yukinoshita didn't reply further. She turned her eyes into the other person. "That is because you enter before I have time to respond. Who's that-"

"This is Hikigaya. He's looking to join the club."

Said person simply nodded his head in approvement-much to Miss Hiratsuka's delight.

Little did she know that the person that was about to be her club-mate would bring so much more social awkwardness in the future.

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Hi! I'm sorry I haven't posted anything on this site these days-life's gotten a whole lot busier lately!

 **AN** : Yukino + Hikigaya's OOC ness is intentional. That's the whole point of the story :)

 **1\. A sample of the lyrics of Can's song Halleluhwah. They're a bunch of geniuses.**

 **2\. Picture Martin Shkreli's smug face.**

 **3\. a reference to one of the illustrations in the first volume of the LN, in which Yukino was surrounded by books.**

Oh yeah, I kinda wanted to make a musical snafu fanfic. Do you guys think it would work?


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